Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Phlipside's Speshaal Scrambled Yeggs

I make the best scrambled eggs in the world. Many people have asked me what makes my scrambled eggs special. I always reply that the most important part of making good scrambled eggs is to not think about making good scrambled eggs. People don't believe me and dismiss this advice as evasive philosophical bullshit. Doing a deed without expecting favourble results doesn't come naturally to most people and hence my scrambled eggs are easier for them to digest than the plain truths of life. But people, believe me when I say that I have no secret ingredient that goes into the frying pan. In fact, I don't have most of ingredients.

To prove my point, I've decided to open up my gastronomical skills to scrutiny. Here is the recipe of Phlipside's Speshaal Scrambled Yeggs:

Mix eggs, chopped onions, chillies, salt and beat the mixture. If you've run out of onions, chillies and/or salt (as is always the case with me) you can still make it. But you definitely require eggs. No, boiled eggs don't work.

Heat coconut mustard oil in a frying pan and pour the above mixture into the pan.

Now try to make an omelette. If you're as good at this as I am, at the point where you try to flip over the omelette, it will disintegrate into many different pieces as if by its own will and voila - you will be left with the finest scrambled eggs.

Don't fret if you're unsuccessful in your first few attempts and actually end up making an omelette. Although this failure has never happened to me, I'm told that ordinary mortals like yourself will take a little bit of time to understand the difference between flipping and Phlipping. If you are unsuccessful beyond the first few attempts, you should quit wasting your time.

I don't mean to be boastful and all, but what all this means is that I'm close to the culinary perfection that I started out to achieve a couple of years ago. Suddenly, the money I spent on the Cartini knife set (which could have fed 4 families in Sub-Saharan Africa for a week), non-stick cookware, pressure cookers and wine glasses looks like money well spent. Just like my BabolaT racquet, Yonex tennis shoes, Speedo swimsuit and goggles and membership fees in all these clubs. OK, I'm lying. My swimsuit is not Speedo.


Badri said...

Your dark secrets...

1. Philips uses something of a semi kadai (dark in color) for scrambled eggs, so that he makes sure tht the stuff gets scrambleds while phlipping

2. philips also uses old mustard oil(also dark in color) for the taste.

3.And then he and kunz enjoy the food as two mustard loving people do.......

ancientmariner said...

haaa...thts eggjactly how I make my scrambled eggs...i thot it was my patented procedure..;)

Neena Padayatty said...

Reminds me of a tag question on omlettes "over easy or sunny side up?"...now we could add one more option "philipside":-D
I don't bother to chop up onions or chilies.Coconut oil,eggs,salt,and pepper and a lot of 'scrambling'(ignore the noise and the damage to the non-stick)..done!

mathew said...

hehehe..that 'eggs' you to achieve greater heights in your kitchen exploits..!!

am a big fan of scrambled eggs and would like to have a plate DHL delivered..;-D


silverine said...

Philip doesn't know how to flip an Omelet? :-O tsk tsk You should be ashamed of yourself!! X(

btw welcome to the club! I am the founding president. :|

silverine said...

p.s when 'I don't want scrambled eggs' what I do is gently ease the omelet when it is cooked on one side to a plate and then flip it inside the pan and then pretend that I am an Omelet maestro! :p

Tom said...

What, is it true what badri said? Mustard oil instead of coconut!! You too brutus!

Rada said...

Ah! You forgot chopped tomatoes, my friend!

Genuinely funny post where the humour is so unforced and feels integral to the post!

Enjoyed reading this immensely.

Philip said...

badri: Bringing all my 'dark' secrets out will cost you dearly. Do you know how my chances of getting married to a mallu girl has dwindled because of your accusation that i love the taste of mustard oil?

I liked the 'philips' :)) (Inside joke)

ancientmariner: hehehe. If you'd taken the pain to file for patent, you'd have seen that a patent already exists for the process in the name of a certain Mr. Phlipside.

neena: lol. Philipside is definitely an improvement over the plain vanilla styles. Damage to non-stick is a major problem, though.

mathew: :D
You didn't read the last paragraph properly. I'm almost nearing perfection. There are no greater heights ;)

silverine: lol...and now with your permission, I start the Chennai chapter of your esteemed club :D

Will try your method, but I'm doubtful about 'easing the omelette' part. Sounds too complicated.

tom: Hush. Say no such things. Badri has not been thinking straight these days...I think the pressure is getting to him.

I remain faithful to coconut oil. But I don't deny that once in a while, when I want to try something different, I do try out mustard oil.

rada: Thank you very much :) Felt good reading your comment.

Ms Cris said...

How do you write like this! Hamazing!

ketan said...

I add a teaspoon of milk to my scrambled eggs. I think they turn out fine too!!

I really liked the way you write!!


Raouf said...

Great post! :D
Scrambled Eggs remain the only item I can cook, till date.
I generally employ eggs, black pepper, salt and the masala left behind in a pan after frying fish seriously spicy :).
I like your version though .

Zahra said...

Sense and simplicity indeed...but no coconut oil?!?!?!?!Entammo!

Did you even imagine that any self respecting mallu gal would try your recipe??? :( I might just condescend to try your version though...with lotsa chopped 'oniyuns' and tomatoes!!

The "Phlip's yegg-cooker" has finally arrived....:)

Nikhil Narayanan said...

I can relate to this.
And so from Bread Omelet, its Bread Scrambled thats my fav breakfast now.
Oro kandu pidthamse!


Anonymous said...

I wandered over here from another blog, and I'm glad I did. I really enjoyed reading your last couple of entries... you're an entertaining blogger. :)

P.S - All your talk about scrambled eggs had made me hungry now!

Philip said...

cris: Thank you :)

ketan: Hmm..now that is something I've not tried yet. Will see how that works out. And thanks :)

raouf: Wow..that sounds very good. Will give that a try too. Boy, I guess there are as many ways of making scrambled eggs as there are people!

zahra: Phlip's Egg Cooker...lol. This is more 'nonsense and simplicity', though :D

nikhil: Very true. Oro kandupidithams. Nammude oru budhhiye! ;)

sindhu: Thank you, for coming by and for your comment.

extremity13 said...

read in a rush...that hilarious..wat if u put ur humor sense too in d recipe of ur speshal..???

Anonymous said...

tht was indeed speshaal"; the eggterian just cudnt help but comment on it

Bindhu said...

Hi Hi.
"you will be left with the finest scrambled eggs" or 'the funniest scrambled eggs" :-)

Ms Cris said...

Philip, you have been tagged :-)

Abraham Menacherry said...

which could have fed 4 families in Sub-Saharan Africa for a week....:D

Anonymous said...

its been over a month since ur last post :(

Thomman said...

Koree naal aayille oru post ezhuthiyittu. Athu kondu oru inspiration kittaan veendi itha oru comment irikkate.

B said...

What abt adding tomatoes and some butter to the scrambled eggs at the very end-Trust me butter does wonders to teh dish(not to ur waist but still)

Egg bhurjee rocks as the easiest and filling dish that anyone can scramble in minutes. BTw I think a million other ppl also share the patent to ur dish but then again using mustard oil..Hmmm..