Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Phlipside's Speshaal Scrambled Yeggs

I make the best scrambled eggs in the world. Many people have asked me what makes my scrambled eggs special. I always reply that the most important part of making good scrambled eggs is to not think about making good scrambled eggs. People don't believe me and dismiss this advice as evasive philosophical bullshit. Doing a deed without expecting favourble results doesn't come naturally to most people and hence my scrambled eggs are easier for them to digest than the plain truths of life. But people, believe me when I say that I have no secret ingredient that goes into the frying pan. In fact, I don't have most of ingredients.

To prove my point, I've decided to open up my gastronomical skills to scrutiny. Here is the recipe of Phlipside's Speshaal Scrambled Yeggs:

Mix eggs, chopped onions, chillies, salt and beat the mixture. If you've run out of onions, chillies and/or salt (as is always the case with me) you can still make it. But you definitely require eggs. No, boiled eggs don't work.

Heat coconut mustard oil in a frying pan and pour the above mixture into the pan.

Now try to make an omelette. If you're as good at this as I am, at the point where you try to flip over the omelette, it will disintegrate into many different pieces as if by its own will and voila - you will be left with the finest scrambled eggs.

Don't fret if you're unsuccessful in your first few attempts and actually end up making an omelette. Although this failure has never happened to me, I'm told that ordinary mortals like yourself will take a little bit of time to understand the difference between flipping and Phlipping. If you are unsuccessful beyond the first few attempts, you should quit wasting your time.

I don't mean to be boastful and all, but what all this means is that I'm close to the culinary perfection that I started out to achieve a couple of years ago. Suddenly, the money I spent on the Cartini knife set (which could have fed 4 families in Sub-Saharan Africa for a week), non-stick cookware, pressure cookers and wine glasses looks like money well spent. Just like my BabolaT racquet, Yonex tennis shoes, Speedo swimsuit and goggles and membership fees in all these clubs. OK, I'm lying. My swimsuit is not Speedo.