Sunday, April 13, 2008

I Am Not Sidin Vadukut

As the man himself would say, this is not one of those existential angsty statements. It's merely a cheap attempt at getting more hits on my blog by misleading people when they google for Sidin.

However, that doesn't explain everything. I could have done an 'I am not Sidin Vadukut' post when I started out blogging itself, when I was desperate for eyeballs (that doesn't mean I'm not desperate now, it just means I was more desperate then). The timing of this post also means something. Yes, it does. The New Indian Express ran an article on April 10th about funny Mallu blogs. Guess who made it to the top 5? No, wrong question; guess who didn't make it to the top 5? That's right, 10 points to you for guessing Sidin. Now we come to the easier question – guess who made it to the list? What, no one has the answer? I mean, you guys seem to know every time Sidin so much as picks his nose. You know that Sidin hasn't made it to the list, but don't know who has made it? Ok, I guess I'm reduced to doing my own trumpet blowing (no puns intended, you naughty people!). Yours truly - yes, that's me – made it. You, dear reader, can stop snickering now – I'm blowing my trumpet only and no reporter's trumpets were touched (if that's how you think I made it to the list).

The obvious thing left for Sidin to do now is to go into introspection and seriously analyze what went wrong. I mean, his vociferous fans will keep saying that any list of bloggers that doesn't include Sidin is a farce, but that is akin to supporters of Saurav Ganguly protesting his exclusion from the Indian team. The root cause lies somewhere else and the earlier he realizes that, the earlier he will be able to get into the elite list and see his name alongside mine. For starters, he could analyze his commitment to blogging which, in my humble opinion, has really slackened after his marriage. It's time he decided whether naughty-naughty stuff with missus or blogging is more important. A hastily, but exquisitely written Life is a Beach in 3 parts [Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] is not quite enough, especially when he made readers wait on tenterhooks for the next part. It almost made me feel like our maid Marykutty waiting for the next episode of the payinkili novel. The only difference was that Marykutty's next episode came in a week while we had to wait for 3 months.

The sycophants around Sidin will keep telling him that it's an inconsequential piece in a newspaper that most people don't know even exists written by a reporter who was too bored to write about anything else. They'll also try telling him that it is not even a list of the funniest Mallu blogs – it's just a list of funny blogs that the reporter could find. What a lousy excuse for not doing a thorough check...damn these lazy reporters! This is not to say that the results would have been any different had he done a thorough survey.

Considering the amount of similarity between Sidin and me, I think he shouldn't lose hope. In fact, the similarities are so many that I'm seriously considering changing the title to 'I am Sidin Vadukut'. Consider, for example, the fact that both of us are alumni of NITs/RECs outside Kerala and also the fact that both of us worked in auto companies after finishing our engineering education. In fact, my surname rhymes with his and we both have the same number of I's in our first name. If you think such things are not important, then you should talk to the Jumaaaaniiis who will set right any misconceptions you have about the effect of the number of I's on planetary orbits. Also, we are both fans of William Dalrymple. Ok...ok, I may be reading my first Dalrymple now and may not have finished it, but you've got to admit that The Last Mughal is a really fat book and a half finished Darlymple is the equivalent of my entire Mills and Boons Robert Ludlum collection in terms of scholarliness.

Have I given the link to the article I've been talking about? Yes? Even then, here it is again. Sidin and Sidin fans, read it (again) and weep.

Now, you may please proceed to the comments section. But before you Sidin fans write anything there, please bear in mind that this is not the Rediff message board and this is an article meant to be humorous. To make it more explicit, I'm not even considering taking Sidin's name in the same breath as mine. If you still don't get it, please go ahead and comment. At least it'll be more humorous than the article itself.

11 comments:

silverine said...

Good one!! If you were looking at eyeballs being gouged out (yours) then you have hit the nail on the head! :p

I was struck at the same thing then thought perhaps this was a list of unknown bloggers as he clearly mentions that this list may not be the list of the best! Anyways Sidin is da man...always.

philip said...

silverine: :)Amen.
If there is anything television has taught me, it's that any publicity is good publicity - eyeballs being gouged out will be like a bonus.

Mathew said...

That "reporter" must be one of the laziest people ever assigned to compile a list. Looks like he picked people at random from somebody's blogroll.

philip said...

Mathew (van Kalip): Ouch! I'd like to believe that the reporter did a very thorough job and came up with a list of the finest ;)

Yeah, he certainly looked lazy, especially the way he didn't even bother to put his comments on each of the bloggers and just copy-pasted text from the posts. Hell, he didn't even bother to copy-paste the funniest parts of the posts. There too he had a caveat.

Sidin said...

Eh! Why are people talking about me behind my back. Sigh.

My wife will be in touch with you soon. Bye Phlip.

philip said...

sidin: Now I can die in peace :)
Thanks for dropping in.
And if you were even a wee bit serious about people talking behind your back, sorry.

g-man said...

yay! good for you. i have never heard of sidin vadukut before this post tho :D congrats on making it into the top 5. i've blogrolled you, hope you don't mind...

Philip said...

g-man: Sidin's the MAN. Everybody else just makes up the numbers.

And I did not make it to the 'top 5' by any stretch of imagination. It was just a list of '5 good' blogs. Still, I'm smiling about it.

Thanks for the blogroll :)

g-man said...

whoopsie, sorry about that...

n my pleasure :)

The MEANDERthal man said...

LOL nice one :) just happened to come here through random googling :) good stuff, and i love your blog's name too :)

Anonymous said...

Took me time to read the whole article, the article is great but the comments bring more brainstorm ideas, thanks.

- Johnson